There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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