one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
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