Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize