my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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