One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I think I just sharted jello shots
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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