M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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