We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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