i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize