So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
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