he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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