I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize