to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
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I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
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Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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