I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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