Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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