I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
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She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
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Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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