Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
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I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
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This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
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