Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
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Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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