I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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