Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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