If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
She just used a chaser for red wine.
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Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
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We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize