I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
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So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
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Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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