what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
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she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
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There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
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