I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
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I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
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the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize