before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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