roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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