so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
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It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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