With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
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