nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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