i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
50% drunk capacity currently
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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