I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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