I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
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I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
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Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
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