I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
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Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
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well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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