You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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