fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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