That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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