good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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