Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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