He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
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we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I will pee on everything he values.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
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Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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