If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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