Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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