he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
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I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
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We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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