I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I'm both gender and math confused
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