my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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