was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
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are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
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alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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