I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
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It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
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I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize