i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
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