Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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