i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
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currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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