My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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