his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
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